You have a goal
You want to achieve X, Y, and Z by such and such date. For example, say you’re working with your Naturopathic Doctor to drop the last 10 pounds, or cure your embarrassing acne, or just get more energy.
You’ve got your plan. It’s all laid out. Step by step. The plan involves you changing certain behaviors and habits to achieve your goal. Because let’s be honest, what you’ve done in the past hasn’t helped you do that.
You realized this, and decided against going insane, so you committed to seek help to learn new behaviors and habits.
And now you’re beaming with excitement about your fit body, beautiful skin, and jumping energy.
But. Everywhere you turn are people (that supposedly love you) that think the changes are a terrible idea.
You hear, “How is that supposed to help?”
They say, “You can just have a little _______.” (Wheat, dairy, sugar, alcohol – whatever it is.)
They insist, “I made this specially for you.”
You’re constantly trying to defend, “Are you sure it’s safe to eat like that? How are you gonna get your calcium?”
Here are three reasons why the people around you seem to have a harder time with the changes you’re making than you do:
1. They’re not ready to change.
Everything in our our external environment is a mirror of how we feel inside. This is because our belief systems (which we pick up at a very young age) flavour our perceptions of the world. Two people in the same room, at the same time, participating in the same conversation have two different experiences of how that went. When your loved ones see you making changes, it challenges their own resistance to that change. They are triggered by your commitment to yourself because they haven’t been ready to make such a commitment.
What to do about it.
You have to be honest, and supportive. You can say, “I’m getting that you’re having a hard time with my decision to take these steps towards my goal. I want you to know that I’m not doing this to cause you pain. I’m doing it because I really want X, Y, and Z for myself. The best way you can support me is to __________.”
2. They don’t want to lose their connection with you.
They may not realize this is what’s happening for them. But say if their main way of relating to you is through food, they might (subconsciously) feel that you’re slipping away. Or say your decision to meditate before bed interferes with your normal TV watching time together. They may feel like they are no longer the priority for you.
What to do about it.
Again, heartfelt honesty can work here too. “The reason I’m taking some private time before bed is so I can help my body sleep better so I’m more energized in the daytime. I’ve been feeling really tired and cranky lately, and I know this practice will help me get the rest I need at night so I can be the best mom and wife to all of you.”
3. They just may not understand.
They likely weren’t in the visit with you (if your plan was established with the help of a professional) and they definitely aren’t inside your head. They don’t know your thoughts, feelings, desires, and aspirations. We often fear what we don’t understand.
What to do about it.
This is a good time to fess up about what’s really been going on for you. “I’ve been really embarrassed about my skin lately. The medicine from the doctor hasn’t worked, it’s getting worse, and I’m ready to heal this problem. I don’t want to cover myself up anymore. I decided to try something different, and I really believe this is going to work. I would love if you could help me out by_____________.”
There you have it. I know. It’s kinda a bugger. You conquered your own demons by making the decision and the commitment. Then you have to deal with everyone else’s stuff about it too.
Keep in mind what I said in number 1 above. Everything in your environment is a reflection of how you feel inside. If the fact that your people being triggered is triggering you, you’ve got more work to do. Can I interest you in some Brain-Based Transformation Coaching? It’s a great way to feel calm and centred withIN your environment.
I’ll end with a congratulations that you’re taking steps to reach your goals. I hope this will help you navigate some of the interpersonal challenges you may come up against. Here is an article with more scripts to help you navigate the awkward conversations we have with our loved ones about the choices we make for our health.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below and share what you do to overcome other people’s concerns about what you’re doing in your life.
Here’s to your jivin’ Health & thrivin’ Life,
Dr. Tonia
Thank you for this – I’m going to use your suggestions.