You know those moments in life when you think to yourself, “Gosh! Everything is going so smoothly right now!”
I am not in one of those moments nor have I been for several months. This is why I haven’t been consistently posting new content and sending out newsletters. It’s not because I’m not thinking about you. I think about you all the time. I wonder how I can use my own life lessons and those from my interactions with my patients to help you live a healthier, happier life. Even just a little bit.
I’m spending a lot of time processing, re-framing and healing everything that’s been going on.
My friend says, “There is going to be turbulence when you’re up leveling.” I’m pretty sure I’m doing that right now.
Admittedly it’s not the most comfortable experience.
I recently made a decision that I am done with bullies and want to be around kindness, consciousness, and accountability. And good golly is the Universe testing that.
Everything from patients blaming me for their missed appointments, to being told I’m ignorant and spiritually limited because I don’t like onions, to the lady that hit my car and fled the scene, I’ve been bumping up against the opposite of what I am looking for. On the regular.
I am constantly asking the universe to let me learn from love instead of fear – a lesson from Gabrielle Bernstein’s new book, The Universe Has Your Back.
As my previous neural patterns are starting to shift I am hyper aware of all the folks learning and living from fear. I seem to be attracting them like mushrooms to the damp, autumn, forest floor in my back yard.
It’s taking a lot out of me. To catch myself in my own wish, I will change that to say I am allowing it to take a lot out of me.
I need accountability my self to attract it from others. And by that logic I need to be kind to my self to expect it from others.
“Let me experience kindness,” I ask of the Universe.
I want to clarify that by kindness I don’t mean submission or complacency. This is not about rolling over. Quite the opposite.
I choose to believe in Brene Brown’s research that shows the most compassionate people have the best boundaries. The most compassionate people have the best boundaries.
By kindness I mean thoughtful, awake choices ripe with integrity.
When I explore my values and what I want experience in my life, I usually come up with three things: freedom, peace, and joy.
If I am not experiencing these things I need to make different choices to feel them.
I did this exercise in the summer where I spent a couple minutes at bed time writing down the choice I made that day that helped me feel the most free. I did this for 21 days. I thought my journal would be overflowing with spontaneous or fun things like randomly meeting up with a friend and going for a walk on the beach or doing something goofy like a cart wheel on a suspension bridge.
I was really surprised at the end of the three weeks when I reviewed the list and found all the choices I made that helped me feel free involved setting boundaries so I could remain in my integrity.
So I could be kind to myself.
Examples included charging patients for missed appointments, telling my husband I wanted a TV free night, letting a patient know I wasn’t available for email questions to the extent she was asking them, telling people that I’d heard enough about their drama, and checking email only once per day.
My sense of freedom increased the more I set boundaries. Hmmm.
The more I looked after myself the better I felt. Double Hmmm.
I’m learning to put my own air mask on first before helping others.
However, these choices and boundary creation seem to come with two layers of consequence.
Mmmmhmmm. The turbulence of up leveling.
What I am noticing now is as I continue to pave these new patterns of self-kindness in my mind and body, I’m encountering the opposite energy. Honestly, I’m not sure if it is happening more frequently, or more intensely, or I am just more aware of it because I am acutely clear about how I want to feel and what I want to be around.
Like the computer message, “ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE THESE FILES?” the Universe is asking, “YOU SURE YOU WANT THE EXPERIENCES OF KINDNESS, CONSCIOUSNESS, AND ACCOUNTABILITY?”
Yep. I’m sure.
And because I”m sure, each time I allow something less than optimal to nudge it’s way into my field, I carefully and diligently re-frame the situation.
I breath. And I ask, “Help me to see this differently. Allow me to learn from love. I choose peace over this. Show me how to do this an easier way.”
As I was sharing with my husband last night in bed, I am ALSO aware of how much I have to be grateful for. With my continued clarity comes deeper, more intimate and supportive relationships, more financial success, and more fun. So it’s not all bad. 😉
I want to thank you. I have been avoiding writing because I wasn’t sure if I had processed enough to share. But I am able to report that writing this actually helped me process, and was healing for me – and I hope it was for you, too. Even just a little bit.
Your take home messages:
- Change can be uncomfortable. Stick with it. Keep showing the Universe what you are sure about. It will get easier.
- Challenges will keep coming your way until you learn their lesson.
- It’s okay to not like onions. Or mushrooms. Or whatever. You get to pick. Don’t let others pick for you.
- Cartwheels on suspension bridges aren’t that scary.
- Surround yourself by people that treat you well. But treat yourself well first.
- If you catch yourself feeling how you don’t want to feel, ask to feel differently. It might not happen overnight. But keep asking.
I would love to hear from you in the comments below. What do you notice when you set boundaries? How do people respond? What do you feel in your body? What is your trick for standing strongly in your truth? Or! Where are you living from fear? What is the ripple effect of acting out of fear? How can you start to choose from love instead?
To your healthy, thriving, delightful life,